So… it’s Christmas Eve…FINALLY!!!! I spent Sunday making Sugar cookies with my son. I was exhausted by the time we were done, but to see the smile on his face was well worth it! I sat in my walker and wheeled myself around the kitchen. We even made homemade frosting! Now..I’m not a great baker..I rarely bake..but these turned out pretty well!!! Though, I didn’t say they’re pretty..lol.
The stress of Christmas shopping, wrapping the presents, dealing with family and then the cooking.. So much goes into it. Which in turn makes me feel worse health wise. Though I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Seeing the smile on my son’s face is all worth it. I’m falling a lot more, dizziness is worse. Had a really bad fall last night, I’m trying to recover from.
I’m trying to teach my son that Christmas is not all about presents, that it’s about family, faith, love. I remember as a kid, my dad got laid off from work just before Christmas. We lived in West Virginia, so it was wintertime. Imagine, December in the mountains. We had a choice, presents or food and firewood. My parents chose to put food on the table and keep us warm. On Christmas morning a knock came on the door, it was our neighbors, members from our church. They had a ham, casseroles, bags of presents, firewood. To me, that was still to this day the best Christmas I’ve ever had. It was the embodiment of what Christmas is. Family, Community coming together and celebrating our Faith, our love for one another, helping each other. If we did more things like that just for one person, it could mean the world to them. It makes a difference. The world needs more of that, in my opinion. More Faith, more compassion, more love.
Yes I have something incurable, yes it’s taken so much from me, but it hasn’t taken my faith, or my strength, or my love, or my hope. These are all things that we should hold on to. Even if I do have a brain tumor, I’ll still fight. Because fighting is worth it, I have so much to live for. People often assume acceptance means giving up, to me it’s not the same. I’ve accepted this life, but in no way have I given up. My eyesight deteriorates, my hearing is going, my legs barely function, but I still fight. I’ve accepted this is my path, but I’ll fight like hell to live. I can still live while being in a wheelchair. I can be a mom, a wife, a daughter while in a wheelchair. Acceptance is not about giving up, it’s about letting go of the anger of why me, why this, and accepting life as it now is, and embracing it, and using your strengths in a positive way. We have to accept that our family will never fully understand what we go through, that no one will except those that suffer the same illness. Accept that they will never understand, let go of the anger, of the guilt, and be at peace. All you can do is express yourself to them, and educate them. My family doesn’t understand, but not understanding, doesn’t mean they can’t be supportive!!!
Christmas is about family, Faith, love. Take a moment this Christmas to let your family know how much their love and support have meant to you. For me, it’s meant the world.